When we are hurting emotionally, we think of many ways to get rid of such pain. We can either ignore or deny it. We can also blame others for causing the pain or plan to get even. Even worse, we actually do something bad against our offender.
What we do not realize is that we do not stop the pain in these ways. There is no easy cure or quick solution to free ourselves from emotional pain. Unlike treating a physical pain wherein we can buy “pain reliever” medicines, the only way out of emotional pain is to deal with it.
So how do we deal with emotional pain? Although we cannot instantly remove it from our hearts, we initially bear it without harming ourselves and others in the process. While we cannot erase the memories that bring back the pain, we should focus on something that will make the pain bearable as we try to find a long-term and lasting solution.
I call this “Scarification”. Its main goal is to show us how to handle pain positively in a way that helps us manage its effects and live as normally as we possibly could.
The word “Scarification” according to Random House Webster’s College Dictionary is a noun for the verb to “scarify” which means: to make scratches or superficial incisions. It is an act of making cuts in the skin.
I first derived my reflection from this idea of “Scarification” because I was amazed with a “scar” being treated more as an art rather than a meaningless mark of a healed wound. Second, in Scarification, one has to endure the pain as the artist cuts one’s skin. The person bears the pain hoping that after the procedures, comes a beautiful design on the skin. With these reasons, I borrowed the word “Scarification” for this work. As a process of handling pain positively, first, people should go through their pain with a hope that at the end they could find meaning in their painful experience. Then they should look at their “Scar Makers/Holders” with compassion as people like them who are also in need of God’s healing.
The mental frameworks which guide me in writing this booklet are:
1. Problems can’t be solved with clouded emotions. Take a step back, breathe deep and re-FOCUS and create the opportunity to make a "conscious choice" in our responses rather than just react.
2. Avoid "Argumentum ad hominem!" Discuss the issue or the problem rather than destroy the offender's/person's credibility.
3. Both the offended and the offender have some degree of “responsibility” regarding the issue or problem. Both are encouraged to seek “resolution” if possible i.e. self-correction and precaution.
4. Resolving the issues takes a creative and innovative act –Scarification is one. There may be other solutions to a single problem –mediation, arbitration, confrontation, compromise and/or reconciliation.
5. Closure is shown through “significant gestures” like hug, handshake, kind words and affirmation. Forgiveness is the highest form of closure. You know you have forgiven if you feel no pain in remembering the painful past.
What we do not realize is that we do not stop the pain in these ways. There is no easy cure or quick solution to free ourselves from emotional pain. Unlike treating a physical pain wherein we can buy “pain reliever” medicines, the only way out of emotional pain is to deal with it.
So how do we deal with emotional pain? Although we cannot instantly remove it from our hearts, we initially bear it without harming ourselves and others in the process. While we cannot erase the memories that bring back the pain, we should focus on something that will make the pain bearable as we try to find a long-term and lasting solution.
I call this “Scarification”. Its main goal is to show us how to handle pain positively in a way that helps us manage its effects and live as normally as we possibly could.
The word “Scarification” according to Random House Webster’s College Dictionary is a noun for the verb to “scarify” which means: to make scratches or superficial incisions. It is an act of making cuts in the skin.
I first derived my reflection from this idea of “Scarification” because I was amazed with a “scar” being treated more as an art rather than a meaningless mark of a healed wound. Second, in Scarification, one has to endure the pain as the artist cuts one’s skin. The person bears the pain hoping that after the procedures, comes a beautiful design on the skin. With these reasons, I borrowed the word “Scarification” for this work. As a process of handling pain positively, first, people should go through their pain with a hope that at the end they could find meaning in their painful experience. Then they should look at their “Scar Makers/Holders” with compassion as people like them who are also in need of God’s healing.
The mental frameworks which guide me in writing this booklet are:
1. Problems can’t be solved with clouded emotions. Take a step back, breathe deep and re-FOCUS and create the opportunity to make a "conscious choice" in our responses rather than just react.
2. Avoid "Argumentum ad hominem!" Discuss the issue or the problem rather than destroy the offender's/person's credibility.
3. Both the offended and the offender have some degree of “responsibility” regarding the issue or problem. Both are encouraged to seek “resolution” if possible i.e. self-correction and precaution.
4. Resolving the issues takes a creative and innovative act –Scarification is one. There may be other solutions to a single problem –mediation, arbitration, confrontation, compromise and/or reconciliation.
5. Closure is shown through “significant gestures” like hug, handshake, kind words and affirmation. Forgiveness is the highest form of closure. You know you have forgiven if you feel no pain in remembering the painful past.
1 comment:
Some say that to forgive is to forget but it seems that this book is offering another option – to forgive is NOT to forget but to remember without feeling the pain. This makes more sense because unless we have our painful experiences erased from our memory bank (which I’m not sure if we are already capable of doing with the wonders of science available to us, can we?) it is inevitable for those memories to run through our minds every now & then.
Among the mental frameworks presented, I’m particularly struck by the one mentioning that even the offender has the responsibility regarding the issue. Personally I think it is easier to forgive if sincerity of offender is shown. But what happens if the same mistake is repeated over & over again? At times while people are still in the healing process the same pain is inflicted to the offended party, by the same or another offender. I hope that thru this book people in this situation will learn how to be healed… over and over again.
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