3rd Day of Simbang Gabi 2013

A man told his story: When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you. I want a divorce.” I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?” I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!” That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew, a woman at my work that I had developed feelings for. I didn’t love my wife anymore. I only pitied her! The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that for that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door each morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. ”No matter what tricks she tries, she has to face the divorce,” she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, saying, “Papa is holding Mama in his arms!” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, “I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.” I drove to the office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.” She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. “Do you have a fever?” She said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew,” I said, “I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.” Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.” My dear friends, marriage is a sacrament. Its sacred nature cannot be changed although the circumstances of the couple change. Even if there is a good reason to legalize divorce, still the validity and efficacy of marriage should not be left to the will of the couple. Rather, the couple should adhere to the will of God. In our Gospel, (Matthew 1:18-25) Joseph was acknowledged as the husband of Mary. It means they were already married. According to their custom however, there are two phases in a marriage. The first phase is the wedding ceremony and the second phase is the taking of the wife to her husband's home. In Joseph and Mary's case, they were about to enter into the second phase when Joseph was deeply troubled by learning that Mary was pregnant. So the Bible says, "Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly." Here, Joseph had a valid reason to ask for a divorce! Yet the Bible says, "Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home." This event reminds us that the nature and consequences of marriage should not be left to the will of any spouse. Rather, they should submit their own will to the will of God. Joseph should ratify their marriage by taking Mary into his home. They have to live as husband and wife with all its possibilities. Marriage is from God. It is sacred. Let us keep it that way. Amen.